Disclosed are vehicle steering column assemblies with viscous dampers, methods for making and for using such assemblies, and motor vehicles with steering column assemblies having viscous dampers. A steering column assembly is disclosed that includes a first shaft member that connects to a steering wheel/handle, and a second shaft member that connects to a vehicle body. These shaft members are telescopingly connected such that one shaft member selectively translates longitudinally with respect to the other shaft member. A viscous damper assembly is interposed between the two shaft members. The viscous damper assembly includes a damper housing with first and second reservoir volumes disposed inside the housing. Multiple constricted flow channels fluidly connect the reservoir volumes. Viscous fluid flows from the first reservoir volume, through the constricted flow channels, to the second reservoir volume in response to relative vibrational displacement between the shaft members to thereby viscously attenuate vibrational energy.