A machine for processing electronic devices in accordance with a particular embodiment of the present technology includes a cable system at least partially disposed within a housing. The cable system can include a hub, a plurality of cable components detachably coupled to the hub, and a drive mechanism operably connected to the plurality of cable components. The drive mechanism can be configured to cause a given one of the plurality of cable components to be staged for testing. The cable system can further include a controller and a test port. The controller can include memory, processing circuitry, and testing circuitry. The memory can store instructions that, when executed by the controller using the processing circuitry, cause the testing circuitry to test the staged cable component while the staged cable component is detachably coupled to the test port.