Disclosed herein, among other things, are systems and methods for relaying wireless communication from ear-to-ear for hearing assistance devices using an intermediate device. One aspect of the present subject matter includes a method of using a first hearing assistance device in a first ear of a wearer to communicate with a second hearing assistance device in a second ear of the wearer using wireless communication, and determining whether quality of the communication between the devices has fallen below a programmable threshold such that communication can be improved by relaying the communication using an external intermediary device such as a smart phone. One method of determining the quality is to monitor a number of retransmissions that are used to maintain communication between the left and right devices.