The disclosed computer-implemented method for personalizing security incident reports may include (i) generating, within a training dataset, a feature vector for each of a group of security incidents, the feature vector including features that describe the security incidents and the features including response codes that a set of clients previously assigned to the security incidents as labels, (ii) training a supervised machine learning function on the training dataset using the response codes that the set of clients previously assigned to the security incidents, (iii) applying the supervised machine learning function to a feature vector that describes a new security incident on the set of clients to predict that the set of clients will ignore the new security incident, and (iv) personalizing a list of security incidents that is electronically reported to the set of clients by deprioritizing the new security incident. Other methods, systems, and computer-readable media are also disclosed.