A method and apparatus for managing connections and messages at a server by associating different actions for both different senders and different recipients is disclosed. The server manages connections from different senders by receiving incoming connections from the different senders and determining sender identifiers for the incoming connections. The server inspects a mapping of sender identifiers to actions to identify which action should be applied to each incoming connection. The server applies the actions, such as accepting the connection, rejecting the connection, relaying the connection, or refusing the connection. Also, the server manages electronic messages for different recipients by determining recipient identifiers for the electronic messages. The server inspects a mapping of recipient identifiers to actions to identify which action should be applied for the recipients of the email messages. The server applies the actions, such as accepting or rejecting the email message for delivery to a recipient.