Exemplary customer premises equipment (“CPE”) diagnostic, recovery, and reporting systems and methods are disclosed herein. An exemplary method includes a technical support server subsystem aggregating, over time, technical support data representing technical issues of CPE devices and operations performed to resolve the technical issues, identifying a subset of the technical support data, and providing the identified subset of the technical support data to a CPE device for local storage by the CPE device, locally stored technical support data configured to be used by the CPE device to self-recover from a future technical issue associated with the CPE device. In certain embodiments, the CPE device may be configured to function as a media server device and/or as an intermediary technical support device at a customer premises. Corresponding methods and systems are also disclosed.